My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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