i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
