I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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