I love black thongs
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
