I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
