last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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