I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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