So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I AM VODKA MAN
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
