come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I need to align my fucking chakras
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
