Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
