the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
