come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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