He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
