Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
