i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
