just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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