so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
