I wish my penis had an off switch
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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