last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
