she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
