Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
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I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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