evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
