i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
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