but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
