Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
