need another drink. this is the easiest way
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the condom got lost in my hair
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
