Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
