I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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