Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
