Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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