Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
