Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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