I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You left your phone here
Wait...
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