Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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