I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
