The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug