Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.