if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.