Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm at about main and main street
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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