This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
