we have pet lesbian snakes
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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