R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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