Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
