the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
