don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think my vagina is haunted
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
