Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
