Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
They left me at home... I'm a liability
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize