Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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