She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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