i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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