You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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