Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
