Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
