I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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