my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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