Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
