When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
