PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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