Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
