just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
