me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I will be naked everywhere
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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