I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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