We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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