so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
