I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
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I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
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I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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