the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
