If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
