Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
