She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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