When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Alive.
So much puke
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
