I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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