I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
